Month: September 2013

Over on this really cool writers board that I’m on, there is a discussion about Imposter Syndrome. You know, the Syndrome where you feel that everyone else in your field is really the real deal, but you aren’t? I think this discussion resonates with EVERY artist, and of course, I have some opinions about it, and of course, I want to share them with the world. Not only do I have Imposter Syndrome, but apparently I am also an open book.

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Do I have Imposter Syndrome? Oh yes. There are days when I feel like a Japanese anime villain and I know that my writing will be the path to world domination (mwahahahaha!!!) and other days when I know that the last thing that the world needs is another writer, or that my writing voice is not necessary, or worse not fashionable. Is my writing too influenced by Victorians or classicists to actually be relevant to a modern reader? Argh, indeed, true believers.

This is exacerbated by the fact that I am a writer of longer things. My interest tends naturally toward novels. I do crank out a short every once in a while, and these stories have been fairly well received (just one didn’t find a home, although I am the queen of small press and not pro-sales, mind). And I do crank out a middle grade every once in a while. (Hulk Hercules was bought on spec, and Abby Rath was last year.)

But what I really like are novels. Long, character driven, full of melodrama novels. I have mentioned that I was working on a five novel series, each a stand alone. And now I realize that this is longer, and I could potentially be looking at a series at least eight books long. And I don’t care about that. Because you know, this is what I want to write and what feels natural to write to me, and it might be that I am going to be the Lois McMaster Bujold of the Gothic creepy novel, and oh, well, right?

Continue reading “Imposter Syndrome”

It’s been a while, but every once in a while someone will send me a couple of updates for the Vintage Fashion Links page, or I’ll stumble across something myself.

Chris Lee was kind enough to send me the links for Modern Tailor and Dressed Her Days.

In Chris’ words, the Modern Tailor site might provide with the opportunity to customize shirts for some nice vintage styles, but I also like that there’s a little bit more for the gentlemen on this site as well. There are some vintage guys out there who need a little love.

And Dressed Her Days is another one of those awesome resource sites that just has a ton of ideas and links.

Check these out, and thanks, Chris!

And here it is…

This is Gold Gym’s Twist and Step, a compact stepper and low impact work out that I will be using from here on out while I’m in the office. It’s the same basic principle as the treadmill desk or the bike desk, except that I will obviously be stepping at my standing desk rather than walking or pedaling.

The Twist and Step gets fairly good reviews for both low intensity and high intensity working out. What I am after is a long term, low intensity workout that I can do most of the time I’m in my office at the computer. I suspect that this will help me get into shape. Ultimately, I would like something similar at home for my writing time and tv time, but right now I’m just trying it out at the office.

So, get it, a step in the right direction. 😀 I’ll let you know what I think of it after I’ve tried it out for a while.

I made an executive decision to stay at home this weekend while the husband ran off to Minneapolis to game with friends. Two old age problems are getting me down: I have a dodgy left hip. If I stretch and use the hip, eventually it settles down, and it’s fine, but things like 5-hour car trips, of which I’ve had several lately, aggravate it, so I thought I’d give the hip a chance to heal. It helped some. I’m reminded of when I had plantar fasciitis. It feels like a muscle thing, so I’ve been stretching more.

And the condition that shall not be named is more readily taken care of when you’re not on the road, so I stayed home and did that too. This Friday we’re going to take a looksie and see if the condition that shall not be named can actually be named.

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Blood test reveals high cholesterol of a minor sort as always, but as I age, the number does creep up. More exercise? Yes. The heat tends to get in the way, but I will make more of a concerted effort. Walked for an hour yesterday, for example. Should also really start considering the effects of red meat, cheese, eggs, etc on my diet more than I do. So I shall.

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Bookwise, got a lot done. Friday I wrote 3000 words Saturday I checked student papers. Boo! I sort of forgot to figure that into my schedule I suspect that was a Freudian slip. However, Sunday, I started to do some vital character work, and I read a huge chunk of an excellent book on Venice.

The best part of me staying home is that I’m not starting the week at a chore deficit. Just jumping into my Monday in the usual way. This’ll be an interesting week full of dietary restrictions and tests. I will disappear about Thursday night, and we’ll talk again probably on Monday.

And that’s what I got.

Don’t bother me kid. I’m writing almost all day today.

And a good chunk of this weekend. This is the silver lining side of staying home while Bryon goes to play games in Minneapolis.

See you after racking up much word count.

As in mine aren’t working right.

I am not inserting disgusting details here. There will be appropriate medical testing next Friday, and I sincerely hope some diagnosis for something I can change. No one is worried about anything serious here, but we have to treat it like it might be serious and do the maximum testing first. The doc has a few theories, among which are infections, conditions, and plumbing.

The fun part of all of this is that I get in for testing so quickly because no one wants to get tested on Friday the 13th. I suspect that if I have a problem of any sort, I’d still have it on the 12th, or the 14th. Honestly, I’ll never know for sure, but I have my suspicions.

Watch this spot for a diagnosis. Meanwhile, I continue to distract myself by writing and reading and working. Like Karaba the sorceress in Kirikou and the Sorceress I will not tell anyone what is wrong with me, but I would like to have the thorn that is deep in my back removed.

…today I am SMOFette.

Jim did an interview on what being a SMOF is, and I’m the SMOF he interviewed. Check me out, trying to imbue Iowa fandom with legitimacy on a certain level. 😛

We also talk about inclusivity at cons, an important issue near and dear to my heart.

Check it out.

There I was, parked in front of my typewriter, notebook, and nook yesterday, plotting out the rest of the first Klarion book, which I am no longer certain of the name of, since the first one has split into two, thinking that I want to tell these stories, regardless of whether I can get the first one published or not.

Abigail Rath Versus Blood-Sucking Fiends was a break. It was once upon a time a very popular short story, and I wanted to see if I could write a book. Which I did, and I could write a few more books if it came down to it. But I am not, at this time, so motivated as to want to see the entire story if that book didn’t sell as an anchor. I could spend the next several years writing Abby and her friends, but I don’t have to.

This other story, though, I want to write it all. Truly if my focus is not about publishing, but is about telling the stories I have to tell in the best way I can tell them, I should do what I want.

So I will. 😉 And I will dutifully send them all out, making them all stand alone books in a series, but I will write them all nevertheless. For me. Because it’s what I want. It is my artistic vision.

And yes, I will. Because I am the same person who took two years to make a Caterina Sforza suit for her master costumer status. Because I am the same person who took three years to write her dissertation. Because a thing worth doing is a thing worth doing. Because you do art for a lot of reasons.

You may look for me, then, to be the novelist in the background writing and writing and writing. I’m tired of pretending to be someone I’m not. Things get sort of knotted up sometimes, but in the end I guess I am the same person.

No more hand wringing about publishing and agents. More joy in the artistic effort in 3…2…1…

I think I finally understand that I am in the sticks. For real, not for joking.

Recently, there’s been a small kerfluffle regarding a SMOF zone sign at LoneStar 3 that seemed to some members of the con to want to keep regular fans out of a business meeting. Another us versus them moment. And Jim Hines got caught in the cross hairs of that. And I am sure that it was a moment of indecisiveness for some, like my friend Kathryn Sullivan.

I think that conventions are highly charged atmospheres right now, and we do want to watch how welcome we make people, given a lot of the conversation regarding exclusivity. But I have a confession to make. In Iowa, I might be Papa Smof. Well, Mama SMOF, but you get the idea.

Mindbridge, the organization of which I am the board president, puts on three conventions a year: AnimeIowa, Icon, and Gamicon. We are NOT the only organization and the only cons in Iowa, but we’ve been doing this for a heck of a while. There are certain other SMOFS in our area who “man” convention committees, tirelessly work con suites, and so on. SMOF for us, around here, in the sticks, can mean at its worst definition: “sucker who does nothing but run cons every year” and at its best definition: “person who works hard to give us a good time and is willing to put in hours to do so.”

Is there a power side of SMOFing? Yes. Pretty much everyone does what I suggest for the cons and so forth. But with great power comes great responsibility, and we try not to use our power for evil. Except, perhaps when two other SMOFs are not treating each other respectfully, and I have to pull out the Evil Eye to get them to reconsider their actions. Hey, organizations are hard to manage.

Our SMOFS have done a few good things. We fund charitable events as well as our conventions. We give out scholarships. We try to make it possible for other fans to have a good time three times a year.

But we never have a SMOF meeting. We call our meetings Mindbridge meetings. This week, we have a Mindbridge Board meeting, and that’s SMOF-y, but people can come if they have a need, or if they’re curious. In general, board meetings are pretty boring. Occasionally, there are grievances among members, and those meetings are closed while we plan for adjucation and discussion.

Then we have a general membership meeting where we keep folks abreast of events, convention votes, and equipment approvals, and have a bit of a social life. This week it’s geek food contest. Bryon and I will be making the graboid cups tomorrow.

All of these meetings are transparent, with notes placed on the Internet.

So, what am I saying? First of all, I gotta wrap this up because I am working on my manuscript today. Secondly, we know that a volunteer base is a valuable commodity, so we want as many Secret Masters of Fandom as possible in Mindbridge. All that means to us is nice people who want to make a good time happen. Heck, we’re not the Masons or the Scottish Rite Temple or something! We don’t even have a secret handshake.

The point is this: you can present something to be inclusive or exclusionary. We prefer inclusive. We didn’t call ourselves SMOFs first, but when people found out we were a board, we were labelled SMOFs. And you know, as long as no one presumes a package that comes with the word, we’re good, because I suspect the kind of SMOFS we are are not the kind who wouldn’t let anyone in to help. God, we need people to help us. Please help us.

So, just throwing that out there. Because semantically, when you get involved in making assumptions, it’s always a bad scene.