Sometimes you got to do things to get your SpyFi Merit Badges. I figured sometime ago that maybe I needed to watch Mission: Impossible. Now, that’s a 7-season series, but you know, alternate it with some movies, do some stepping while watching. It’ll go down easy.
I will finish Mission: Impossible, but I have to say, categorically, it is the worst spy show I’ve ever watched from the Cold War error. Not to belabor the problems, but let’s talk about some significant ones.
1. Mission: Impossible creates its own languages. When we are in some unspecified Eastern European iron curtain country, South American dictatorship, or Arabic transitional government, the language that is used is one of Mission: Impossible‘s concoction. Yes, I have occasionally seen Cyrillic and Arabic characters on the show, but I’ve also seen ascensora used for an elevator. This is pretty close to Italian, but it is misspelled. It was also used in an East Germany knock off country.
Don’t get me started on gaz with an umlaut above the a. I think the word they’re looking for is benzin.
Mistakes like this go on and on. As a language teacher who’s studied linguistics, these are comical to me.
2. Disguise! Also, as a former costumer, I know you can’t put a whole person mask on your face and then have articulation like a real human face. Worse, I know you can’t put a mask over your mask and then pull it off and have the other mask stay on. *^$&!!!
3. Everyone does the same thing every show. The weakness of the spy show of this type, so I”m willing to forgive this more.
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However, in spite of the tepid plots, the predictable actions, and the rotten research, not to mention the recycled guest stars of sixties and seventies tv, I will say that there are two things that make the show worthwhile.
1. Barnard Collier. I once heard Barney described as the black guy who hides and fixes everything. Clearly, this was not said by someone who watches the show. Barney’s limitations are that he is in the 60’s and he is using 60’s tech, but he has designed a hover craft to go down shafts, a device that melts gold so they could leak it out of a vault, a movie that can be cast over a prison break to cover it up, and so on. Barney makes the capers work. If no Barney, no success. Pretty straightforward. He is also not just the guy behind the scene. He pulls off his own share of being other people, conning the criminals, and covering misdirected phone calls. Barney is brilliant and deserves his own show.
2. Willy Armitage. In the first season, you can write Willy off. He is the muscle, and he exists for carrying people into buildings in suitcases, or wearing heavy vests that are really computers (in the 60s, computers were massive. Yes, the vest was made by Barney). In the second season, Willy has obviously gone to school with Barney during the hiatus. He becomes adept at auto-body, good at working with devices (although not with Barney’s original flair) and spends more time on the con front. Originally I couldn’t see much future for Willy, because he would only do the same thing. So an expansion of his role benefited both the actor and the viewer.
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Because there are some memorable characters, so far I am able to tolerate the more laughable moments. And believe me, there are a lot of laughable moments. The show really tries to take itself quite seriously, but the more worldly audiences of today just can’t buy the inaccuracies. Perhaps they never could.
Should you watch Mission: Impossible? Absolutely not, unless you’re also working on a SpyFi merit badge. I have a friend who could recommend pivotal episodes to you, as he offered to do for me. But your time would be much better spent watching Man from U.N.C.L.E , excluding Season 3, or I-Spy. Hell, even Wild, Wild West, which doesn’t take itself seriously at all.
Meanwhile, go out and talk up Greg Morris, one of the best actors on 60s television, and put in a good word for Peter Lupus while you’re at it.
What about the 1988 to 1990 version?
Do you think they were dispatched by the International Monetary Fund (IMF) against deadbeat dictators?
Remember this was the Cold War so no actual names could be used. (plausible deniability.)
Even detergents could only compete against “Brand X”, not naming their actual competitors.