Another post I need to sneak in today is that today is my 48th birthday. I try to do a State of the Me address every year. Today is a normal work day, with a night devoted to packing for the upcoming trip to Vietnam, some exercise, and some writing. Tomorrow we’ll actually go out for a nice dinner and celebrate the occasion.
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What’s it like to be 48?
Physically: When all things are said and done, my weight remains mostly constant. The lowest I’ve been this year is 211, and the highest (returning from the Writer’s Retreat, which fattened me up nicely) is 220. I am currently 218ish. That puts me at 70 pounds overweight, which is not good because of the below health issues.
Lots of small things are wrong with me: arthritic right knee, dust allergy, acid reflux disease, slight depression, slight anxiety, and thyroid issues. All of these are kept in check with minor meds, except the reflux, which requires a more potent med. Diet and exercise, remarkably almost exactly the same diet and exercise, are recommended for all these problems, except the dust allergy.
This year I plan to walk more (good for the knee), do more yoga and tai chi (good for the knee), and eat less more frequently (good for the knee and the stomach.Probably good for everything else.)
Now, what about physical appearance? Well, normally, I’m not thrilled looking at photos of myself these days, but you know, I can still clean up pretty well if I have to. I’m getting used to what I look like at this age, weight and wrinkles and all. It begins to seem foolish to me to lament the loss of a more youthful appearance, because there’s no hope of things improving. In fact, quite the reverse, so I’d best get over my vanity. I continue to dress in unusual clothes and dye my hair red, both of which are working for me at this time.
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Mentally: The brain remains sharp. While my memory isn’t what it used to be, human beings don’t have memories like that. I’m talking about my formerly uncanny ability to remember lists and lists and dump them out on tests, or floor people with quick memorization. Now my memory approaches something more akin to “normal” and I’m fine. There is one place where I’m finding a little bit of a scramble. I read a word occasionally and guess what the word is incorrectly, and misinterpret the message. That usually doesn’t make sense, and I have to take a second look.
But I’m not forgetful, I still have a strong sense of memorization and remembrance, and I can still read and process a great deal. Probably pretty usual for 48.
Emotionally: This year I’ve begun to have anxiety. I believe strongly that genetics are largely responsible for things like anxiety and depression. Environmental factors play a role as well. The meds I am on seem to take care of things. Bupropion lets me think before I open my mouth, and Xanax makes me take better care of myself most of the time.
Empathetically: I maintain some good close friendships. This has not been a year of expanding or contracting our circle. Bryon and I do spend a lot of time alone. This I suspect is not good for us, but we don’t notice unless one of us is gone for a long time. However, we know we have good friends we can call on in times of need.
Romantically: Bryon and I remain close and in tune. I won’t be talking about private issues here, because I think he would not find that appropriate, but suffice it to say that we are working on some of the changes aging has made in me to positive benefit. However, we are still very much in love after 26 years. We are monogamous. That’s the way we roll, because our needs are filled by the right partner, and we were both very cautious in finding the right partner, and working through changes. As with my friendships, I prefer to keep my intimate circle small, and my most intimate circle the smallest.
Teaching: Looks like I’m about to hit my ceiling. Having decided not to move into full time administration, this position is the highest I’ll be in. The only place for me to go is back to full time teaching, which I’ve considered due to stress elements on occasion. But for the most part, the job is good and rewarding, and my boss is excellent. My support staff is wonderful, and the students are rewarding to work with. If I returned to full-time teaching, there would be more take home work, and I would miss the writing time I have built into this job.
The work environment is changing. We are following more of a business model, which has generally lowered the satisfaction of employment here. I cannot honestly say that I will last my entire teaching career here at this time, although I would like to. It would be very difficult for me to move and keep a competitive salary.
Writing: In the ways that count, I’m working hard. I have a novel and a short story out. I’m writing another novel. I write frequently and critique frequently. I’m keeping busy. In publishable results, we had one story published this last year. (Thank you, Lawrence!) However, I believe that working on novels and getting that craft down is worth the quicker visibility I might have if I published short stories. Besides, it’s what I want to do.
Traveling: I’m ready to back off on this. I know, said the woman going to Vietnam. I’ve done a lot of traveling in my career, and it’s okay to do less. I know that there are some places Bryon will want to go when he retires, and we’ll look at that, but you know, the knee makes things more difficult. It’s harder to be away from home than it was, just because I like being at home. I figure in retirement, we can solve the travel itch by moving to a city where there are interesting things to do that we like. But I will probably not be making any more trips to places like Russia or Vietnam after this year. I know. Famous last words.
Happiness: Overall, fairly good. I’m aging, which I am coming to accept. I have less social venues than I’d like, but if you’re going to be a creative, you do have to have some you time. I like and enjoy my friends and marriage. I still would like less stress in my life, and it is the constant struggle of my life to keep my Type A personality from whittling away my time by giving in to other people’s whims.
I look forward to seeing what the next year brings. Not more bronchitis. But maybe an agent? That would be okay…
