Mercedes and Fernand

Here’s the part where Fernand finds out Mercedes is really serious about Edmond.

Fernand knocked on my door the next morning while it was still dark. I had planned on spinning the whole day, to make as much thread as I could, because I knew that I would have tomorrow off. I opened the door. His look was dark.

“We missed you last night,” I said.

“I didn’t miss you,” he said. “Is it true? Have you engaged yourself?”

“Edmond and I are betrothed.”

“It’s all Mama can talk about this morning. How handsome Mercedes’ young man is. How happy she is for you. How wonderful life would be if I could be matched similarly, instead of running off to war.”

I sat back down at my spinning. “I would like to see you as happy as I feel now, Fernand,” I said. The wheel went around, and I glanced over the top of the wheel at him.

“I will never be happy again,” he said. “Not since I have lost you.” He knelt by me suddenly and took my hand. “Please, Mercedes! Reconsider! I love you! I’ve always loved you! I’ve always hoped you would marry me!”

I pulled my hand back. “I’m sorry, Fernand. I’m very, very sorry, but I don’t love you like that. I can’t lie like that. I love Edmond.”

“Why?” Fernand stood in frustration, pacing. “What does he have that I don’t? Is it money? I can get money, you know, in the army.”

“It’s not money, Fernand. He makes me feel whole.”

Fernand looked at me incredulously. “What are you talking about?”

“You’ll know when you feel it,” I said. “When you are lucky enough to truly fall in love with the one you’re meant to be with, she will feel like the piece of you that you didn’t know was missing until she turns up.”

“I love you, Mercedes. I need you to make me complete!”

It was my turn to stand up. I put my shuttle down. “I am sorry, very sorry to cause you this kind of pain, Fernand. I don’t love you like I love Edmond. You will always be my brother and I hope my true friend. I want you to find the kind of love that I have with Edmond. I want you to be happy like I am. You would never find that with me, because I simply do not love you, and I can’t do anything about how I feel for you, or don’t feel for you. I’m sorry, but you will have to accept that.”

He drew himself up. “Do you want me to leave?”

“I want you to be happy,” I said. “I want you to be my friend. I don’t want you to leave, but I don’t want you to talk about loving me again.”

He bit his lower lip. “That’s all, then?”

“You dismiss me? Just like that? After all we’ve been to each other?”

Tears blurred my vision. “If you truly love me, Fernand, you would be happy for me.”

“I can not laugh in the face of my own misery, Mercedes.” He opened the door and left. I had a good cry. This would not be easy on either of us.