Saturday night I had an anxiety attack. Sore chest, anxiousness, all that. Nope, I stayed home. I knew it for what it was.
We’d had a good day out at the movies with our friends Mark and Michelle, and I’d settled down to check some papers, except no, that just wasn’t where I was going to go. I was, instead, overwhelmed. So I spent the night relaxing, and I checked papers yesterday. I also put myself in a carb induced coma and watched a lot of junky television. Mission: Impossible Season 5 is seriously mod. Leonard Nimoy has second degree burns.
My theory is that the last few weeks have finally caught up with my biochemistry. Bad Schaff-Stump. Not meditating. Not taking breaks at work. Not walking enough. Worrying about husband and his family. Feeling guilty about own family. Filling all spare time with chores. Turning everything into a checklist.
Relapse is freakin’ wonderful.
I’ve also gained about 5 pounds, which is about right with the plantar fasciitis, the food of two conferences and a bed and breakfast stay, unhappiness and stress. And the heartburn is back. Oh yeah.
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So, I’m writing tonight. Stress reducing exercise will be number one for the next several days and I’m putting myself on 2 Xanax a day until further notice. It really helps. I mean, right now, I am super mellow. What I really want to see is if these steps will help me stop freaking at work, which I did today. While my introvert battery should have been drained, I shouldn’t have been freaking. It wasn’t that bad a day. I’m just getting used to freaking.
Ah well. If it were easy, everyone would be sane. At any rate, I’ll be keeping you posted. I’ll try to write here more. That’s a nice little break. And if I’m writing fiction, instead, I’ll at least let you know that.
I dunno, man. All I can say is this: If you’re young, and you’re a workaholic, and you don’t see it catching up with you, knock it off. You’re in for a hell of a surprise after 40 if you don’t develop some good living and relaxing habits. I mean that most seriously.
Ah well. The silver lining is I don’t appear able to have anxiety and depression at the same time. You take what you can get.
Remember–relax and goof off. Nothing is more important for your health. They say fruit and veggies. I say happiness, and will continue to be a believer.
