This one isn’t triggery. I promise.
First of all, thank you for the overwhelming amount of positive reinforcement about yesterday’s post. There are a few things that have been brought to light, some of them known, some of them not so well known.
1. There are an abundance of adult survivors of every kind of abuse out there. We often don’t talk about it much because there’s stigma, and there’s not wanting people to know, and there’s not wanting to relive that abuse.
2. Many adult survivors have trouble breaking the cycle of abuse. If they do, there are these irrational fears. I don’t have children, for example, and one reason is the irrational fear that I would abuse them. Yes, I know that it’s not true. That’s why it’s IRRATIONAL.
3. The best thing I’ve found that helps me cope is to talk about it. To a counselor. To the Internet. To friends. I diminish the experience each time I talk about it. I’m not saying you should follow my strategy. I’m saying that survivors of abuse need to find a way to cope, and that a counselor is a great first step.
4. Many people can separate an artist from their work. I am not one of those people. If I had remained ignorant, The Mists of Avalon would have held a special place for me still. Now, it is like poison that it is in my home. I have decided to sell it and donate the proceeds, perhaps to one of those people who can separate. If MZB can help support childhood victims of abuse, well, hey, let’s just call this the Scalzi rule. You may know that Scalzi often donates money to appropriate organizations opposed to misogyny and racism in the name of misogynists and racists.
5. I am not my abuse. I appreciate all the supportive notes and hugs that you have been sending. I appreciate the empathy. That said, while I have chosen to reveal this particular information on the occasion to encourage a fandom stand on MZB, Breen, and other abusers, I am still the same witty, urbane and charming person whom you meet at conventions. What happened to me is SIGNIFICANT and HORRIBLE, but it does not define me, much as it does not define any victim of abuse.
So, hey, please use my post as you will. It’s out there, it’s meant to be public. And please think about all of us when you do use that post, past, present, and future. My goal is to be honest, but it is also to be a poster child for recovery. There can be life after these devastating events. A good life with wonderful people.
I’d like to keep some people from taking my journey. That’s where the post comes in, and especially, that’s where sharing the message comes in.