As 2013 pulls out of the station and 2014 pulls in, I find myself getting ready to go back to work on Thursday, and all that entails. I’ve had a good break. Bryon and I have spent some quality time together, and we’ve actually done some home maintenance. For example, we actually have some place to hang up coats and put our gloves when we come in the door! I bought a curio cabinet for the (soon to be) six Couture de Force Disney figurines I received for Christmas! New art is up!
Next weekend, the excitement really begins, as I sort through old magazines and cardboard boxes in the dining room. Maybe a new table cloth and curtains? My resolution to de-junkify and spiff up my home is well underway.
If such domesticity bores you stiff, one can hardly blame you. I begin my writing every day regimen tomorrow, which is much like skin care and exercise–it’s a good routine to get into. I do all three with no agenda, other than to do them and enjoy them, and to keep myself healthy physically and mentally. I intend to have one more appointment with David to follow through that I kept myself reasonably healthy and well-tuned during the holidays. (Nope, haven’t stopped the weight loss posts. One is coming soon.) Another reason that I intended to follow up with David is to successfully report to him that I resigned from the Mindbridge Board and the Icon treasury.
I admit to great trepidation. I did this with the best of reasons–I’m trying to balance more demands at my job with writing time. I’m still weighing whether I want to go back to regular teaching, but I will tell you this–the Mindbridge resignation has been a real eye-opener.
No one wrote to me to try to get me to NOT do it. I suppose that makes sense, because that’s what people do. You explain things maturely, make choices, and people let it go. But my EGO!!!! I’ve come to see myself as someone who is indispensable to the organization, and then, to receive a thank you note from one of the board members, and nothing from anyone else!
I can’t bring myself to be bent out of shape, because clearly this reinforces the message that I am the person who puts myself in boxes, and I thought I was of more value here than I actually was. I wouldn’t be surprised if the same thing was true at work, and even though I am pretty good at what I do, if I resigned, that would be it and life would go on. This is not to say that I don’t do a good job, and I’m not valued. The take home lesson is that I am not indispensable. I believe that the world could muddle through without me, should I choose not to get up and make sure it rotates each day. ;P
Which means, honestly, that the only reason to stay as an ELA coordinator, if that is the reality, is that I make and save more money in this position, which gets me to retirement faster. And the only reason, the most important one, to leave, is if I can’t get the resultant health issues under control. The rest of it is illusory and to believe otherwise is vain of me.
There is a take home message here for art as well. And you know it as well as I do. You gotta do this for yourself, and you can’t care what anyone else thinks, one way or another. What everyone else thinks is illusory.
Wait. Is some of that zen reading sinking in? Woah. Well, at least David and I will have something to talk about during our final session.
So, I am laughing at myself right now.