Right now I am on the cusp of completion. Let me explain.
The novel is done, but out to betas. There is a deadline of December 15th for them to get stuff back to me, and as soon as I get this novella put to bed, I will start in with the sets of comments that I have to attend to to smooth the novel out. It is important that I attend to these comments, and it is also important that I consider them carefully, because yup, you know, I am no longer sending out crap.
The demon impatience whispers in my ear–Send out the first chapters now. You know they are good. You know that the changes will happen in the last part of the book. You know there will be changes anyway. The demon excitements yells. Send it! Send it!! SEND IT!!!! It’s probably the best writing you’ve done so far. SEND IT!
And, I have to take a swallow and remind myself that no, this is not how we do things anymore. That I am not an AMATEUR, bounding all over the place with excitement like a puppy.
We will take a look at our “edit letters” and think about them, go through and fix the beast, and proof it again. Because we’d like it to land this time. I still think I can pull off the production by December, but I’d rather take a little time into January and do this right.
It’s the same with the novella. It has a place to be sent, but the vetting process is the Codex contest. So, no. Not until it’s been read and commented on and re-examined.
I hate uncertainty. I hate not knowing, and I love crossing things off my list. I am bad with ambiguity. In addition to the books, there’s the persistent ringworm (Plague house! Am I giving it to the cats? Is this medicine ruining my liver!) and the attempt at house re-fi (Yes? No? Appointments at the end of the semester? Why????), and a thousand stupid little up in the air things that I have yet to plan around. I am a little overwhelmed, like death by paper cuts. And it’s all first world problems, not real. Except the ringworm, which I suspect is primordial.
I have been learning to live with ambiguity. I just need to step back and go through the actions, and take measured steps. Because you want it to work the first time. I can do that. Just argh, though.
Right. In fiction, I have to go kill an old lady’s cat. Yup. Maybe I should rethink this whole writer thing.