Haunted Mansion

Setting: La Tavernita in Chicago in full tilt, Friday night. Our heroine is out to dinner with a variety of people from Paper Golem press, Taos Toolbox, and Codex. The din is deafening. The drinks are excellent. In a momentary lull in the conversation, our heroine checks her phone to see that she has missed a call from her husband.

Caveat: Husband swears that the call did not go like this. Heroine cannot hear very well, but what she heard does makes for a better story.

(ring, ring)

Bryon: Hello?
Cath: Hello? I’m sorry I missed your call. I’m out to dinner.
Bryon: That’s okay. I’m with Mark and Michelle. (pause) Um…there’s been a bit of a catastrophe.


At this moment, our heroine worries that there has been something terrible, like a house fire, or a car crash. Could something have happened to the hero’s mother? Or one of our cats?


Cath: Okay. Let me go some place quieter so I can hear better. (Removes to slightly less noisy but still pretty damn noisy room.) Okay. Go ahead.
Bryon: Well, I got home yesterday after ticket taking, and UPS had been out, trying to deliver the package.
Cath: Right.
Bryon: So after school today, I went over there and picked up the box.
Cath: Good. Right.
Bryon: And I opened it. And Cath, THEY SENT THE WRONG HAUNTED MANSION!


Editor’s Note: Bryon saw this beautiful Olzewski Collectible Haunted Mansion while we were at the Disney Parks, and would not buy it then. I persuaded him to buy it later, because I like to spoil him. It’s going to be a while before he gets a Lost in Space robot, after all. 🙂 Anyway, there are two Haunted Mansion collectibles: the Liberty Square version, which is the Disney World version and the New Orleans version, which is the Disneyland version. In order for this story to make any sense, you must know that.


Cath: What?
Bryon: It’s the New Orleans Mansion, not the Liberty Square mansion! And they’ve charged us for the Liberty Square Mansion.


Our heroine is relieved and amused at what constitutes a catastrophe.


Cath: Don’t worry about it. I’ll get home on Tuesday and kick ass and take names. You will get the right mansion.


Various other pleasantries ensue.

Disney customer service is great to work with. They called me yesterday and let me know that the right mansion is on its way. It turns out that it was CHEAPER than the New Orleans version (which we think is wrong, but they assure me is right), so we should have it soon.

Otherwise, you will get a sequel entry. 🙂

Author: Catherine Schaff-Stump

Catherine Schaff-Stump writes fiction for children and young adults. Her most recent book, The Vessel of Ra, is the first book in the Klaereon Scroll series. She is currently working on its sequel, as well as penning the middle grade adventures of Abigail Rath, monster hunter.

2 thoughts on “Haunted Mansion”

  1. You know, this sort of thing happens every time I go to dinner at Worldcon. If it isn’t the Haunted Mansion it’s Space Mountain or something involving puppies running amok in a bakery or something else. It’s like my curse.

  2. How strange! I got a call later that evening trying to sell me a New Orleans Haunted Mansion… It looked like the call was from Lawrence’s phone, but he denies everything.

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