There has been fall out from the death of Phoebe Prince, a young woman who killed herself because of incidents of bullying at her high school. Phoebe’s story is all the sadder because it is not an isolated incident. Stories like this permeate the news. My anger against the bullies is strong. My fury against the careless adults in these situations is nuclear.
There are many ways I could approach this entry. If you’ve read the Tamago for any length of time, you know I am the child of abuse. In addition to the things I’ve talked about before, there was physical abuse in my home. I was probably the luckiest sibling. My older brother was the constant target of my mother’s aggression, and he in turn decided to share the love in a constant attack on my younger brother, my worthless parents enabling all the way. Kids as socially inept as we were made great targets for all the bullying you can think of.
There are a great many stories you can read on line about people who have come through terrible odds. Young Adult Authors Against Bullying is a great place to begin. YA authors Carrie Jones and Megan Kelley Hall went all proactive about the issue. To date, they have about 1000 members on the page. It’s not just for authors, it’s for anyone who wishes to join the fight against the senselessness that is bullying.
More details below:
In Megan’s words:
The other amazing thing that came out of all of this was the sheer number of YA and MG authors that had their own personal stories of being bullied. Almost every single one. This totally blew us away, and we realized that this was the direction we needed to go in. We are going to tap all the authors who offered their assistance (tap, tap, this means you!) and try to pull together an anthology of bullying stories. That way, if teens can see that there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, maybe they will realize that junior high and high school are such tiny blips on the radar of their lives. It may seem all-encompassing now. But with a little distance, you can look at it through different eyes and see that what seemed so insurmountable and impossible to deal with was actually just one tiny stepping stone, one small obstacle on the way to bigger and better things.
Yup. What Megan says rings true. I’ve been reading the increasing number of entries about bullying from my YA author friends. What an amazing bunch of people have emerged from a horrendous set of circumstances! I look forward to the anthology Megan hopes to set in motion, and I look forward to empowering bullied kids.
As to careless adults–look, guys, let’s talk. As bad as the bullies are, they are still kids. That means they rely on you to keep them from making really stupid mistakes. They should know the meaning between right and wrong, but they really need you to guide them. It’s your responsibility as parents and as educators to help kids learn how to behave appropriately. Can you sleep at night knowing the terrible things that happen to children in your charge because you were inattentive and irresponsible? I’ve been in your shoes as a teacher of junior high and high school. Neglect is not an option.
If you see a kid step over the line, not only do you owe it to the bullied kid to protect them, but you also owe it to the little sociopaths in your charge to help them change their behavior and to understand what is and isn’t acceptable. Get a clue.
At any rate, I am optimistic about this movement empowering kids and educating kids and adults. Well done, Carrie and Megan. We understand, and we appreciate your efforts.
Catherine
You know, what drives me a little crazy about the whole thing is the conception that bullying somehow stops when we become adults. You can’t get away from it, like ever.
I was once told by a school principal that “We don’t have a bullying problem at this school.” My son and I still laugh about that one. He was maybe eight at the time, and we were getting harrassing phonecalls.
We need to recognize that it’s a life-long problem that morphs into abusive and manipulative relationships. We all need to develop tools to deal with it, at all stages of our lives.
You are so right about needing the tools to deal with bullying all our lives. A few years ago at work, a former VP of Instruction bullied lots of teachers here. Two of us took her to task with human resources, and she magically lost her job. Her behavior was entirely inappropriate. Luckily, we have good procedures in place in this work place to deal with it.
Most importantly, we have to teach people to treat each other with dignity, and not gloss over inappropriate behavior.
Cath